Holding the pieces together
by Alexandra-bookaholic
Summary: So this is just a little one shot for Simon And Izzy, It's basically Izzy being upset about Maryse taking Robert back and going to Simon for comfort. It's all human. Rated M mostly because I'm paranoid.


**Holding the pieces together**

**Izzy& Simon **

**One Shot**

**This is just a little one shot of Simon and Isabelle that I wanted to write. **

**So here you are.**

**This should be proof read and by that I mean that I really, really tried to get the grammar right but again if you do find mistakes, I'm sorry :D**

It's so cold tonight. It's a dark rainy autumn night. If tonight was a normal night I wouldn't be out by any means. I'd be safely tucked up in bed or maybe curled up on the couch in front of the fireplace.

Tonight though, I'm sitting on the cold steps of Simon's front porch. He's not home and his mother doesn't exactly like me so I don't bother knocking. I just need to talk to him. I wish I wanted to talk to my brother, I wish I wanted to knock some sense into my mother. I wish I could do something but I'm afraid that it's too late. I'm afraid she's too far gone to be helped.

The only thing I can think of that would make me feel better is to just have Simon listen to me, for him to tell me that I'm not insane and that he understands me. I really think he does. I hope he does, because if he doesn't then I don't know what I'll do.

I peer into the dark night. I can see the rain lashing at the black ground. The wind is blowing so hard that every tree –small or big is shaking from the force. I pull my hood closer to my skin and try to cover my face. I can feel the cold sinking into my bones. My arms are wrapped around my trembling body.

I don't really know why I'm trembling at all. It could be the cold or then it could be the hurt. Maybe I'm a little scared too. I just can't imagine having my father back in my life. He moved right back in, like nothing ever happened, like all the shit he put my mom through was nothing because he decided to take her back. How sick is that? He is willing to take her back? He doesn't deserve him. Why can't she see that. Why is she clinging on to something that will only hurt her time after time. She did it for us kids at first, about that I'm sure. But now Alec and I are grown up and she doesn't need to keep the charade up anymore.

Maybe she needs him. Maybe he has somehow convinced her that she is nothing without him. God I loathe him, he's despicable, a scumbag, a no good loser. Why does she want him?

I feel a tear roll down my face leaving a cold track behind it. I blink my eyes a few times to make sure no more tears slip out.

I promised I would never cry because of him again. I swore I'd be stronger than that. Now look at me, breaking my promise at the first sight of trouble. It's just that I can't understand why she is taking him back. She was doing fine, she had a new job, she had a new boyfriend who cares for her, who loves her and would never cheat on her but here she is, my mother, running back to his arms that were probably holding a cheap slut just the other day. He has no business coming back to our lives. He needs to go. It's either him or me. I will not live under the same roof with a cheater, someone who left their family for another woman. Someone who made me think that I was his little girl, like I was the most precious thing in his life and then left me like I was a disposable paper cup.

I bite my lip as I hear steps coming closer to me splashing in the puddles. I notice the figure with hair dripping water, I notice how he smiles at me first and then I watch as the smile turns into confused frown.

"Iz?" He says as he sits down next to me "What are you doing here?"

I turn to look at him, I guess he sees my red eyes and figures that I've been crying, "What's wrong Izzy?"

He looks so worried but I don't know how to tell him. How am I supposed to say that my mother is ruining my and her life without making it sound like a cliché?

"She's ruining my life!" Oh well I guess there's no way to do that.

"Oh okay" Simon states and sits down next to me, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Oh Simon, my trusty Simon. He never lets me down. He's always there to offer a helping hand.

"I- I just" I'm holding back my tears. I don't want to let him see me cry but I think that's impossible, "I need you to listen to me. Please".

"Yeah of course Izzy, but you're scaring me a bit here", Simon says and looks at me straight in the eyes.

"Yeah well I'm scaring myself too" I say and bring my hands to cover up my tear-stained face, "I don't know where to go because I can't go home and then I don't know what to do either. I know you're supposed to talk to someone when you feel bad, they say that it's supposed to help but I don't even know where to start Simon. I have never felt this way".

"Well how about you start by telling me why you can't go home" Simon suggests and I shrug my shoulders and sigh.

"I can't go home because it's a matter of dignity"

Simon just looks at me with a confused look on his face "What are Alec and Magnus making out in your room and you don't want to interrupt them or…?"

"No" I say with the tiniest burst of laughter I can manage, "I wouldn't mind looking at that actually"

"Yes Izzy you are weird that way" Simon says and smiled widely at me which makes me feel just a bit better.

"I know, nevertheless Alec or Magnus are not my problem. It's my dad" I say and that shuts Simon right up.

"Oh, touchy subject huh?" He asks even though he knows very well.

"Yes" I bite my lip.

"Is your dad back in the picture?" Simon asks with a wary voice.

"You could say that all though I'd rather cut him out of the picture" I say.

"How, I mean why is he back. How could that happen, didn't he cheat on your mom?" Simon asks again with a curious look on his face.

"Yeah numerous times actually" I say blandly not caring to get into details, "But he has decided in all his generosity to take her back"

"Wow that's a twisted situation"

"No kidding Simon, I didn't know" I snap at him. I know I shouldn't so I apologize as soon as I end my sentence "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that"

"It's fine" Simon says and once again proves that he is way too good of a friend for me.

"So", Simon lets the word hang in the air that is growing thicker every second and making it hard for me to contain the sobs I want to let out, "Do you wanna come inside?"

He says it with such innocent eyes that I doubt he's thinking of anything like _that_, when he asks me to come inside.

"I don't know. Your mom doesn't like me that much; I don't really need to piss anyone else's mother off tonight. I've already succeeded doing that to my mother"

Simon doesn't try to deny that his mother isn't keen on having me around but he does say something rather interesting "My mom isn't home; she's visiting my aunt out-of-town"

"Oh" I gasp maybe a bit too enthusiastically because Simon smirks a bit.

"You know you shouldn't lead me on with those suggestive gasps of yours" Simon says and I can see that he's blushing a bit. He gets up and takes his key out of his jeans back pocket, he turns the key in the lock and looks at me.

"Just so you know, if I were being suggestive, you'd definitely notice it" I say casually and pat his shoulder as I step inside.

His house is so homey; it's got this cozy feel to it. There are pictures of Simon and his older sister all over the place smiling with teeth missing and scrapes and mud all over them. It's nothing like our house where all the pictures are posed for, that was all my mother was left with after my father left her – a box of pictures she posed for.

Inside the air is a bit humid, I suppose it's because of the lack of air conditioning.

"You can leave your jacket there" Simon says and points at a hook on the wall.

I nod and place it there. Instantly I feel a bit naked, since my little confrontation with my mother had accrued after my shower, I was in my pajamas now. I had just slapped on a jacket and some shoes and got going.

"You look like you're cold" Simon points out and I can't help but smile. Even though my world seems to be crumbling away he still manages to make me smile. That's good isn't it? It should be right?

"You know you don't have to take care of me right?" I ask hoping that he won't stop even though he knows he doesn't have to keep it up.

"I know. I want to."

Five little words make me swoon. Seriously swoon, I just said swoon. I don't understand why I never made an effort to make Simon my boyfriend because god knows he would be perfect. I suppose I've never wanted to admit that I need him, that I want to be around him, that I actually trust him. But that's just it, isn't it? He can't know I trust him or otherwise he could potentially hurt me. Just like my father hurt my mom. I don't want to end up like her; she's miserable inside but keeps up appearances so no one would find out. I think it's sick, he owns her. No one will ever own me. That I swear on my very own soul, I'll be damned if I ever let a man put me down.

"Thank you" I say, "But really it's okay"

As soon as I say the words I see Simon look away with a strange look in his eyes, "What's wrong?" I ask.

"You're pushing me away" He says like it's something everyone knows.

"I'm not. I came to you when I needed someone to talk to" I say defensively.

"You came to me but you won't let me help you"

"What could you possibly do to help me, I already talked to you, isn't that what I'm supposed to do?" I ask with a high-pitched voice. For some reason I can feel the tears swell up again.

"I could do a lot of things for you if you just let me" Simon says and even though I can easily think of a double meaning for those words I dismiss it. He doesn't mean it in a creepy way. He means it sincerely, I'm sure of it, I just am.

"Oh really like what?" I ask cynically.

"Well for starters I could get you a cup of hot chocolate and then we could talk some more and maybe watch some stupid movie… you know, to make you feel better" He seems a bit fidgety now.

"I… Well… I think I'll take you up on that hot chocolate" I say and nod towards him.

"Great! Great, just have a seat where ever you want and I'll go make it" He says with a huge smile on his face. I can't feel but astounded by the brightness of his spirit, it's something of a light that keeps on burning and never goes out, somewhat of a lighthouse to sailors at sea, to bring them back home, calling for them with streams of white light, cradling them back to safe harbor.

I don't know, maybe it's just me but I start to feel like I don't want to stay in their living room. I feel like it's not Simon's space, more like his mother's space. So I take a few steps down the corridor and I see a door with a sticker of D&D and a bunch of fliers from an anime shop so I assume its Simon's room. I open the door carefully and peak in.

I like what I see. It's kind of like my room but a boy version of it. Definitely not in order, there are clothes lying on the floor, books and magazines sprawled across the bed (which is not made), he has a lot of knickknacks which I think is adorable. I take few steps into the room and take in his sent; the room smells like new magazines and…noodles? Okay then at least I know what to offer him for dinner if he ever comes over. I sit on the edge of his bed and notice a picture frame on the bed side table; it has three smiling faces on it, Alec, Simon and me. I remember this day; it was one of the hottest days of last summer. It was a few weeks after we had moved to town, I had forced Alec to get out of the house and so we ended up at this park with a bunch of kids from school. We had seen Simon before and Alec even had math with him but I never really liked him before that day.

I remember how genuinely happy we all were that day; taking pictures, laughing, having fun. So different from how I feel right now. I want to grasp those memories tight and never let them go. I can't believe Simon kept that picture.

"Hey" Simon says from the door looking a bit awkward.

"Oh hey, I just sort of wandered here, I hope you don't mind… I mean I didn't mean to intrude or anything" I babble. I babble? What the hell, I never babble.

"No, its okay, my room is just a bit messy and yeah…" He looks away and I can feel an awkward silence slipping into our presence.

"Is that the hot chocolate?" I ask gingerly to knock him out of his daze.

"Um yeah, here you go" He says as he hands me the cup warning me that it's really hot.

He sits next to me and I'm for some reason painfully aware of that. Simon and I you see have been sort of more than friends but then again not. And what I mean by all this is that we've kissed… a few times. Mostly at parties when we were both alone and… whatever, I kind of want to drown my sorrows into that feeling I get when we do kiss, it's ecstatic, but instead I just take a sip of my hot chocolate and so does he.

"So about your dad…eh I mean father. How does Alec feel about him just moving back into your house, your lives and all that?"

"Alec" I sigh "I don't think he cares to be honest. I mean I don't say that to be rude or anything and I don't mean that he's being mean or just doesn't care about us anymore. It's just that he's so busy with Magnus and he's happy. I don't blame him for not wanting to ruin that happiness because believe me if there's someone that can suck the life out of you it's our father. And besides he still hasn't told our father that he's gay so he's crashing at Magnus' place and mom's making excuses for him".

"Oh" Simon says "That's a complicated situation"

"Yeah, you tell me" I sigh again.

"You were crying out there, weren't you?" Simon asks now making sure he doesn't push the subject.

I glare at him for a while but then give up, "Yeah I was. I shouldn't but I did cry and I'm not proud of it because he's not worth crying over"

"There's nothing bad about crying Izzy" He says and plays with the edge of his blanket, "People need to cry, it's not about who you're crying for or about it's more than that. It's a way to express frustration"

"When did you get so smart Lewis?" I ask letting out a half laugh.

"I'm serious Izzy" He says and looks at me with those melting brown eyes he has and it just makes me give up all at once.

"Okay" I say.

"So do you still feel like crying?" He asks.

I think of my answer for a while just to make sure it's the right one, "No, not really anymore. I mean I still feel like punching a wall but not like crying"

"Well that's something" He says and shakes his head trying to hide a little smile.

"It is isn't it? You make me happy Simon, you know that don't you?" I say carefully placing my words out there.

"I do?" He asks.

"Yes, you're one of the few people that do" I say honestly.

We both simultaneously sigh and then look at each other and laugh. It's a refreshing laugh, like rain after a hot summer day, like the first warm day after the winter. It's something that's needed.

"So about that wall…" Simon says with a quirky smile "…I don't think my mom will appreciate you punching one of our walls so is there anything else you want to do"

I bite my lip and shake my head.

"What?" Simon asks.

"It's nothing" I say nonchalantly trying to hide my blush.

"No really you have to tell me now" Simon goes on and then turns serious, "Izzy you have to tell me right now or I'll tickle you until you do" He says it so seriously that it makes me laugh. He joins in with me but still continues to beg me to tell him what I want to do so finally I agree to tell him, "Okay, Okay, I'll tell you but promise not to laugh"

Simon puts his hand on top of his heart, "I cross my heart and hope to die"

"Okay, so remember those times that we kissed?" I ask not expecting an answer because I'm pretty sure he remembers or if he doesn't I don't want to know, "So I was just thinking earlier how happy and right it made me feel every time we kissed and I was just thinking that I could use a little bit of extra happiness right now. I mean I have no idea how you feel about me because you haven't exactly told me, I mean we never really talked about those kisses and those moments so I don't know what it means. Does it mean we're dating or, like, are we just friends who randomly kiss?"

He's awfully quiet. Oh no I ruined everything. The silence in the room feels like its overtaking everything, "You know what, never mind, forget I said anything okay?" I frantically try to make things better. Like they were before I opened my big stupid mouth.

"No" Simon rushes to say and holds a hand up, "I- I just don't know… I mean I don't understand Izzy"

"Understand what?" I ask.

"What you see in me, those kisses, I don't know what happened because a girl like you doesn't just fall for a guy like me" He states as if it were a well-known fact.

"What do you mean _a girl like me?"_ I ask a bit annoyed.

"Well you know… You're… beautiful, and smart and funny" He says and I'm pretty sure my heart stops for a second. I've had guys call me hot, sexy, tell me I have a nice ass, or that I'm cute or pretty but never once beautiful.

"Simon, I… I had no idea you thought that of me, I figured you saw a party girl who's all messed up and doesn't care about anything" I say trying to swallow down the lump that has formed in my throat.

"No, why would I see that when you're obviously not that" He says and sounds so sure of what he's saying that I think I'm starting to believe it too.

He seems to hesitate for a moment and then suddenly I feel it again, that happiness, when he leans over to me and kisses my lips. He's so gentle and careful with me. I can feel his soft lips caressing mine and I'm trying very hard not to sigh out of joy. He pulls away and looks at me his eyebrows etched like he's trying to figure me out.

"What?" It's my turn to ask.

"You're amazing" He simply says and then cups my cheeks into his hands and pulls me closer. We're just inches apart and I can feel his breath on my skin, "Well Mr. Lewis, you're not too shabby yourself"

He smiles and I close the distance between us. I push him down on the bed and wrap my arms around his neck. I'm lying on top of him trying to reach over to his lips when he gently pushes me off and on to the bed. We're both lying on our sides now and facing each other. "You don't want to?" I ask feeling a bit hurt.

"Want to what. It all depends on that" He says but never loses his smile.

"I don't know, like, make out or something" I say rolling my eyes feeling like a little schoolgirl not wanting to go into details.

"Wow, something sounds a bit vague" He says and lets out a nervous laugh.

"Have you ever… You know?" I let the question dangling out.

He looks down and blushes a bit and the looks at me with a sweet smile, "No not really" Then he bites his lip "And have you…?"

"Yes" I say. I guess there's no point in denying it, "Yes unfortunately I have, but probably not as many times as my reputation would lead you on to know. Just once, well twice but it was with the same guy" I explain "It was horrible really. I didn't know what I was doing and he didn't really care, you know just another notch on his belt" I guess I look a bit sad because Simon pulls me closer, "I'm sorry"

"Don't be. It was my choice and I'm learning from my mistakes"

"Yeah" He says and I can feel him holding on to me tighter, "But I still think you deserved something better"

"Thank you" I say and nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck.

He kisses my head and I look up into his eyes. This is different from anything else I've ever experienced. I've always rushed into things and now, it's all calmed down.

I reach out to kiss him and he lets me. He responds to me quickly and I can feel him against me, "I'm sorry" He says looking embarrassed but I just kiss him again tracing my lips along his jaw and then his neck mumbling "Don't be"

He's breathing heavily now and I admit so am I. I'm out of breath but I want to continue, god I'd give anything to continue. But then images flash in front of me. I stop what I'm doing immediately. A door closing late at night, my mom yelling, my father telling her to shut up it's all coming back to me now. Why now?

He tries to kiss me but I don't respond, "Iz are you alright?"

"Yeah" I say and move in closer to him determined to forget the past. I let my hands wander into his curly hair as he kisses my neck. If I just let go then I'll be able to forget or that's what I tell myself but before I know it, I'm already talking again, "It's just that I'm thinking of them. My mom and him. I guess if we do things together then you have the power to hurt me, if you, you know do them with someone else"

"Oh Iz, I'd never do that. I'm not like your father, I mean look at me" He says and tries to lighten up my mood but really all I need to hear is… I don't know. I don't know what it is I want to hear. I don't know what will convince me.

"Iz" He says and focuses my eyes on him, "I promise that I will never hurt you"

That's it I guess. It's not really the words I suppose. It's the way he says them. I figured I'd never believe that line but when he says it with such determination and such love – yes I said love, I can't help but believe him.

He can see me smile so he adds "But If I, like, accidentally knock you down or step on your toes that doesn't count right?"

"Right" I say and smile at him.

So we continue and I could tell you all about how I let my hands wonder under his shirt. Or how I pulled it off and saw him shirtless for the first time. Or perhaps I could tell you that when he gently removed my bra I was so nervous that I thought I would faint. And I suppose I could tell you about how we tangled into each other and never stopped kissing. I could tell you how his body felt against mine and I could tell you how everything else in the world just blacked out for that moment but most of all I want to tell you that I've never felt more loved than that night. And that I know that even though my mother is making bad choices, I know if she sees how happy I am with Simon, she will realize that she is not. I have to believe that because after all who would if I wouldn't. Who would be the one to believe in happy endings?


End file.
